Original ad:
Trustworthy and reliable pet sitter available in the area to watch your pets. Your pet will be in good hands and treated with care while you are away. Rates vary - email to discuss.
From Mike to **********@**********.org
Hey,
I am away on vacation with my girlfriend for two weeks and completely forgot about her pet fish. Would you be able to go to my house and feed him every day? Normally I wouldn't let a stranger go into my house, but I am desperate and you seem trustworthy. What is your rate? I can pay you online via PayPal, or just give you cash when I get back.
Mike
From Jennifer ********* to Mike:
Hi Mike,
Of course I can take care of your fish but I have a few questions first:
- Where do you live? Is there a spare key/garage code/whhatever so I can get in?
- What kind of fish is it and how big is the tank? (If it is a small fish bowl then I can care for the fish at my house)
- Any special instructions for feeding the fish?
My rate for small pets such as fish is $10 per day. Feel free to call me if you wish to discuss this over the phone. My number is 610-***-****.
Jenny
From Mike to Jennifer *********:
Jenny,
I live at 211 ******* St (near the Acme shopping center).
The fish is a guppy but it lives in a 55 gallon tank, so you probably can't move it. It just needs one pinch of fish food in the morning and at night (in the jar above the tank).
I don't have a spare key or garage code, so you are going to have to break a window to get in. I have a garden in the backyard where you can find a rock. I would prefer if you didn't break any of the front windows because they are new. I'd suggest breaking the kitchen window in the back of the house. Now when the window breaks, the alarm is probably going to go off. I think the alarm code is 1988, but I'm not entirely sure. It is protocol for the alarm company to send the police when a window is broken, so just tell the police that I hired you to take care of my fish.
When can you be over there? I haven't fed the fish in over a day so I am sure he is really hungry.
Mike
From Jennifer ********* to Mike:
What? That is crazy - I'm not gonna smash a window!
From Mike to Jennifer *********:
Jenny,
Why don't you feel comfortable breaking a window? Don't worry, I was going to get that window replaced with a wall anyway so my girlfriend can't look outside while she is doing the dishes.
If you are afraid that you aren't strong enough to break the window, I have a sledgehammer in my shed. The shed is in the backyard and is unlocked. It is on the wall with the shotguns. You can easily break any window with that thing.
I almost forgot, if the police come, I need you to hide some weed and a bong that I left on the kitchen counter. Just put the weed in your pocket so they don't notice it when they are talking to you about the alarm, and maybe stuff some flowers in the bong so they think it is a vase.
Mike
From Jennifer ********* to Mike:
I don't feel right smashing your window bc how would I explain that to the police? And now you want me to hide your drugs? Do you want me to go to jail? Think about what you want me to do and then ask yourself if you would do it in my situation.. I don't think you would!
From Mike to Jennifer *********:
Jenny,
Think about how Gary (the guppy) feels right now. He is starving, and will most likely die if someone doesn't feed him soon. How selfish of you to put your own interests before the life of another.
Please, just do it for Gary. If he dies, my girlfriend is going to be pissed at me. The last time I accidentally killed one of her pets, she wouldn't have sex with me for a month. Do you know how expensive it is to pay an escort service for sex? Please don't make me go through that again.
If you are afraid of the police, I'll understand. I have a criminal record too, so I get why you don't want to deal with them. How about you smash the window, run in, feed the fish, and run out before they get there? It will probably take them at least five minutes to respond to the alarm.
Mike
From Jennifer ********* to Mike:
No! You are an idiot! I don't have a criminal record you damn moron and I plan on keeping it that way. Don't try to guilt me about your fish because its your own stupid fault for forgetting about him! Just explain to your gf that you are a jackass and forgot to take care of the fish!
From Mike to Jennifer *********:
Jenny,
When we get back home and I find the dead fish, I'll have no choice but to explain to my girlfriend that I hired you to take care of the fish and you let him die. I will give her your phone number and let you two sort things out.
Mike
From Jennifer ********* to Mike:
Don't you **** dare you stupid mother ****!
Random classified ads conversation
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- Mike Rotchtickles
- Posts: 1605
- Joined: Sun, 10 Jul 2005 11:27
- Location: Latitude: 29º00´ South of the Equator. Longitude: 24º00´ East of Greenwich.
by Mike Rotchtickles » Wed, 16 Feb 2011 12:46
no man, I'm not that Mike 
Here's another sample:
Original ad:
I am looking for help moving on June 23rd into my new apartment. We will need to load everything from my old apartment into a truck, and then drive to my new place and unload it. I have a lot of furniture that is very heavy, as well as a big screen tv that is bulky. We will need to lift a lot of this stuff down three flights of stairs since it won't fit in my elevator. I will pay $25/hr.
From Mike to *********Jerry@**********.org
Good afternoon!
I saw your ad asking for help moving your furniture into your new apartment. I was wondering if you would be interested in hiring my son. I need him to have a job like this so he can feel better about himself. He has been paralyzed from the neck down for five years now. I always encourage him to do normal things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. so he can still feel important even though he does not have the use of his arms or legs. This job would be a huge boost in his self-esteem and with a little help I am sure he can do it. Please consider him!
Mike
From Jerry***********@hotmail.com to Mike
Mike,
I'm sorry, but I don't think this job would be appropriate for your son. A lot of the stuff I need to move is very large and heavy. He sounds like a good kid, but I don't think he would be able to do this. Thanks for the offer, though.
Jerry
From Mike to ************Jerry@hotmail.com
Jerry,
I think you are underestimating my son. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I told him I got him a job and he was so excited. Do I really have to go and tell him that the guy changed his mind because he hates handicapped people?
Mike
From Jerry***********@hotmail.com to Mike
Oh man...
I don't hate handicapped people. I really just don't see how your son can help, no offense. How can he move anything with his arms and legs? You said he mows the lawn and takes out the trash, how is that even possible?
I apologize, but next time you shouldn't tell your son you got him a job before making sure it is ok with the employer.
Jerry
From Mike to ************Jerry@hotmail.com
Jerry,
Don't tell me how to raise my son. You don't see me telling you how to move your furniture, do you? You never even met my son, and already you are telling me what he can and can't do. He does a great job mowing the lawn. We tied the lawn mower to the back of his wheelchair and he drags it around. You'd be surprised how much torque that wheelchair has. It makes him feel normal again.
I don't have the heart to tell him that he won't be doing this job, so would you be able to come over here and tell him yourself that you hate him and will not hire him? It is the least you could do.
Mike
From Jerry***********@hotmail.com to Mike
You've got to be kidding me. This conversation is over!
Here's another sample:
Original ad:
I am looking for help moving on June 23rd into my new apartment. We will need to load everything from my old apartment into a truck, and then drive to my new place and unload it. I have a lot of furniture that is very heavy, as well as a big screen tv that is bulky. We will need to lift a lot of this stuff down three flights of stairs since it won't fit in my elevator. I will pay $25/hr.
From Mike to *********Jerry@**********.org
Good afternoon!
I saw your ad asking for help moving your furniture into your new apartment. I was wondering if you would be interested in hiring my son. I need him to have a job like this so he can feel better about himself. He has been paralyzed from the neck down for five years now. I always encourage him to do normal things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. so he can still feel important even though he does not have the use of his arms or legs. This job would be a huge boost in his self-esteem and with a little help I am sure he can do it. Please consider him!
Mike
From Jerry***********@hotmail.com to Mike
Mike,
I'm sorry, but I don't think this job would be appropriate for your son. A lot of the stuff I need to move is very large and heavy. He sounds like a good kid, but I don't think he would be able to do this. Thanks for the offer, though.
Jerry
From Mike to ************Jerry@hotmail.com
Jerry,
I think you are underestimating my son. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I told him I got him a job and he was so excited. Do I really have to go and tell him that the guy changed his mind because he hates handicapped people?
Mike
From Jerry***********@hotmail.com to Mike
Oh man...
I don't hate handicapped people. I really just don't see how your son can help, no offense. How can he move anything with his arms and legs? You said he mows the lawn and takes out the trash, how is that even possible?
I apologize, but next time you shouldn't tell your son you got him a job before making sure it is ok with the employer.
Jerry
From Mike to ************Jerry@hotmail.com
Jerry,
Don't tell me how to raise my son. You don't see me telling you how to move your furniture, do you? You never even met my son, and already you are telling me what he can and can't do. He does a great job mowing the lawn. We tied the lawn mower to the back of his wheelchair and he drags it around. You'd be surprised how much torque that wheelchair has. It makes him feel normal again.
I don't have the heart to tell him that he won't be doing this job, so would you be able to come over here and tell him yourself that you hate him and will not hire him? It is the least you could do.
Mike
From Jerry***********@hotmail.com to Mike
You've got to be kidding me. This conversation is over!
- Mike Rotchtickles
- Posts: 1605
- Joined: Sun, 10 Jul 2005 11:27
- Location: Latitude: 29º00´ South of the Equator. Longitude: 24º00´ East of Greenwich.
by emate007 » Wed, 16 Feb 2011 13:44
So the same Mike does this frequently? First one was better, but second was still amusing.
He reminds me of the guy who sent a picture of a spider in lieu of payment, but not as polite.
This conversation still cracks me up:
http://www.techradar.com/news/world-of- ... ent-486872
He reminds me of the guy who sent a picture of a spider in lieu of payment, but not as polite.
This conversation still cracks me up:
http://www.techradar.com/news/world-of- ... ent-486872
-
emate007 - Posts: 2447
- Joined: Thu, 04 Dec 2008 23:54
by Coolhand Texas » Wed, 16 Feb 2011 15:11
Some funny stuff man!
Winner of Roland Garros MS
You dont mess with James Blake!!
-
Coolhand Texas - Posts: 5495
- Joined: Wed, 14 Jan 2009 02:34
by Mike Rotchtickles » Wed, 16 Feb 2011 15:39
emate007 wrote:He reminds me of the guy who sent a picture of a spider in lieu of payment, but not as polite.
This conversation still cracks me up:
http://www.techradar.com/news/world-of- ... ent-486872
That one's a classic.
- Mike Rotchtickles
- Posts: 1605
- Joined: Sun, 10 Jul 2005 11:27
- Location: Latitude: 29º00´ South of the Equator. Longitude: 24º00´ East of Greenwich.
I <3 JC by beltic caldy » Fri, 18 Feb 2011 19:52
emate007 wrote:So the same Mike does this frequently? First one was better, but second was still amusing.
He reminds me of the guy who sent a picture of a spider in lieu of payment, but not as polite.
This conversation still cracks me up:
http://www.techradar.com/news/world-of- ... ent-486872
quality!!!! finished up a little abruptly/tamely...but somehow that just makes it sound more authentic!
esse quam videri
-
beltic caldy - Posts: 750
- Joined: Mon, 22 Jun 2009 01:58
- Location: UK
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